No means No

A friend of mine posted this post of Facebook recently. It got me thinking. I have always been a person that is a people pleaser. It is why I have had a hard time saying no to others over a multitude of things. This past year I took on so much and left me with little energy for family time, friend time or just me time.

The thing is that I do not have to explain myself if I answer no to anything. I don't know why I feel the need to explain why my answer is no. I do not have to have a reason why I can not do something. The reason could be simply be I want to stay home, spend time with my family or just that I don't want to do it. Trying to justify it, just give a person reason to argue with you or give  you reasons why you can.

This also applies to my children. I often find myself explaining my decisions, I do not have to do such a thing. Yes, it is healthy to teach our children why the answers is no, but the truth is they will get a lot of "no's" in life without explaination. In fact, I think it is healthy to have your child obey then afterward explain if you feel a explanation is needed for growth.

This being said, it does not give me a get out of jail free card. I still think we are called to serve. There are many bible verses that convey that. One is Galatians 5:13 "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." I believe that service should feel guilt free. Its a very fine line, because we all get in our comfortable zones, doing things that are comfortable to serve...but God does call us to step out of our comfort zone's many times in life.

I think one way we can make sure we are serving and not being guilted into doing something is by not committing right away. I use to commit to things quickly. Now I prayerfully commit.  I decided to make sure I pray about my service and then commit to it if I feel lead to it. I also do this with personal invations. I check my calendar, and make sure we are not over scheduled. When I start to feel over committed in our personal life, I step back and stop making plans and pray for more balance.

There is such a fine line in a balanced life. Sometimes we just need to step back and evaluate where we are....let some commitments go if your family is suffering from it. A phrase one very wise friend has taught me that works well with push-y people that do not take no for a answer is this, "That does not work for my family".  Isn't that sentence just so freeing?

We also need to evaluate how we take other's "no's". Some questions you could ask yourself..
1. Do I demand a reason why a person can not do something?
2. Am I being supportive?
3. Why does it matter so much to me that this person said no?
4. Did I over step that person's boundaries?
Sometimes I feel we can be so entangled in our own wants, needs and ideas we forget that others have lives, families, and commitments that are outside our needs. We just need to take a step back for a moment. Pray to God that we are being understanding, kind and gentle to others in our lives.

Anyway, for me I am working on being stronger in my "nos",  serve prayerfully and accept other's nos as well.